CIPHER TIMES
Arts & Entertainment
Wayne Hoonan - Columnist October 24, 2006
PAGE TWO
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INTERVIEW WITH SNEAKY THE CLOWN
CT: Maybe we had better change topics. Why or what made you become a clown?
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STC: Well, hell, it's like those ventriloquists...you can get away with a lot of shit dressed up like this. The other day at a grand opening, I grabbed this chick's ass, and then pointed to the guy walking next to her. She was kinda embarrassed but just laughed it off. Now just imagine if you, Joe Regular, tried that with some strange broad... You'd either have a lawsuit slapped against you or a pair of bruised testicles.
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CT: So do you really enjoy drinking that much! Honestly, doesn't it slow you down?
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STC: Not really. I make a drink I call V&V. That's Vodka and Viagara. Helps keep me up all night drinking.
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CT: What's your favorite drink?
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STC: Anything on sale...YEAH (proudly holding up his tomato juice and toasting)!
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STC: Actually I have a drink I like I call Chodka. I mix vodka and chocolate in the blender. I flipped the wrong switch once and ended up making pudding. Was a little too thick for me, but it sure was a hit with the neighborhood kids.
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CT: Earlier you mentioned gay porn. What is your sexual orientation? Are you actually gay, or maybe BI?
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STC: Buy is a nasty word for me. I prefer words like free and steal.
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STC: So hey, cut this gay stuff out. I'm no fag. I'm as straight as a flag pole. Although when I've been drinkin', it usually flys at half mass! But you put me in a room with a handful of supermodels and a bottle of Rufis, I'll show you I'm no homo.
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CT: Rufis? You mean those pills that can knock someone out?
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STC: I'd rather refer to them as my Date Ambiance Pills.
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Funny how the coffee shop seems to be emptying out quickly.
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CT: So is Sneaky The Clown married or ever has been?
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STC: I was once but it ended badly. One day, wife came home, screeching her car into the driveway, runs into the house shouting at the top of her lungs, "Honey pack you bags, I won the lottery". I said "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach clothes or mountain gear?" Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get the hell out"!.
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CT: So I take it you aren't too keen on marriage?
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STC: Marriage...marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other person is the husband.
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CT: How about women in general?
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STC: I don't take them too seriously. One day I came home and was greeted by my girlfriend dressed in a sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purrs, "and you can do anything you want." So I tied her up and went out drinking.
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STC: Speaking of, I gotta get outta here!
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CT: Wow, okay, thanks Mr Sneaky. Interesting interview! So now where are you off to?
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STC: If I hurry, I can still make happy hour before I drive off to scare some more kiddies!
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Sneaky The Clown's website is
www.badclown.com
PAGE ONE
Next issue: Interview With Kama Kosmic Krusader Harry Perry
